the work i do at night

it’s gone half three in the morning, and i’m down here in the studio wrapped in a fuzzy housecoat, the dogs piled up around my feet, the oil filled radiator pulled in next to my chair because the main heat is off for the night.  i do this alot, especially during the summer months.  because i have gotten two or three hours of sleep and now my mind is spinning.

what did it this time was the image of ex-kurt the kernel programmer, alive and living in the kernel, with the game in his back yard, or in a cupboard, or something incongruous.

ex-kurt is entangled, thru the quantum kernel, with the realworld’s ‘nervous system.’  his neurons flow thru all the connections to the outside world – wires in devices and walls and underground conduits and overhead lines, radio waves in the air and thru building materials and bodies, into and back out of every institution and house and car and computer and store.

ex-kurt is so connected to the realworld that the game is actually a minute part of his life.  he spends much of his endless time ignoring the realworld, but it annoys him because they’re always fighting, and always coming to him for help, and he doesn’t like their taste.  he doesn’t know what else to do with them, other than consume their energy.  otherwise they never stop trying to interact with him.  (where’s this coming from?)  as in life, he just wants everybody to leave him alone, but he has discovered that in a quantum state there’s no end of bother if bother is what you’re going thru, and he wants people to leave him alone more than ever.  he’s going crazy trying to be alone (but being alone makes you crazy because even tho you’re entangled, you’re unconnected).  in fact, he’s been crazy, and running from interaction is the main symptom, and it’s only when he gives up and lets them consume him that he’s going to get any peace.  can he eventually find peace reincarnating as a material human, say as the boy and girl’s kid? that’ll take some foreshadowing.  he’s got to do it on purpose and some time earlier than the climax, and not just reveal it in the end.

while ex-kurt is connected to the world thru the internet, the programmer in him can’t help but notice certain inefficiencies, and he begins to tinker.  and this produces real-world effects, of course.  let’s see, a quantumization of everyday large-scale realworld physics, what would that look like?  murphy’s law producing indeterminacy of electronic signals propagating down the wires (violation of ohm’s law)?  he doesn’t so much improve daily life as make it more energy efficient, not more rational but more quantum.  he’s not out for human results, but overall system performance.  the consequences on humans don’t bother him because he’s your typical sociopath and couldn’t give a fuck.  but what these might be i have no idea at the moment.

in the kernel, ex-kurt is just qubits, and you can only see him as a brightness, or a darkness, depending, fluctuating, or maybe pulsing differently.  when he comes into the game, maybe materializing at the back door of the kernel, which maybe looks like a kernel of wheat in the landscape.

  the kernel

i have a vision of ex-kurt lounging in his back yard, on the patio, materializing in split seconds all around the visitor, unhurriedly but instantaneously attending to whatever problem the visitor has.  he is everywhere at once, his face is every face at once, he is every possibility at once.  in his natural state he’s a cloud of possibility.  i guess he’s hanging out with the girl, who is stuck in the game when the kernel is destroyed (which begs a rather obvious question i might have already answered).

when ex-kurt is out and about in the game, he materializes only as much as he needs, like the cheshire cat.  most of the time he’s realized in the front, especially his hands.  his body is stock avatar, his face is idealized youth and fuzzy, both because he avoids mirrors and also because he’s part everybody, and the back side of him is wireframe because he never thinks about it.  sometimes it’s just his hand.  sometimes it’s just his face.  when he is greatly affected, his idealized young face shows up in the clouds out in the realworld.  when he is forced to appear in public after the boy and girl exit the antarctica level, he decks himself out in flowing robes and white hair and fudges the other details.  when he appears to friends he’s most completely realized, mainly relying on their perception of him.  he looks like his 20-something youthful self, when he was fresh and idealistic.  most of the time when he’s by himself he feels this way again, but when the annoying others creep in he becomes very troll like.


these others are like roaches.  they crawl everywhere, they get stuck in synapses and connections, they smell bad, they breed like roaches.  they leave droppings and little roaches.

i guess i’m going back to bed now.  it’s been an hour and some, and i’m yawning.  one of the dogs has moved off my foot and the other one is a bit stiffly crunched, so i’ll continue these images in my dreams, where i do most of my work at night.


About jeanne

artist, grandma, alien

Posted on January 7, 2012, in author's note, characters. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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