revised first chapter outline
as promised, i revised the first chapter into comic book form, and now i’m going to print it out and show jim.
sword and feather. book 1, volume 1 (tale)
page I (3 panels)
1. longshot of atlanta at night, centered on a dragoncon hotel roof with 2 small figures lounging on top…
2. medium shot of boy and girl admiring view. dragoncon. atlanta is overrun by fans…anything is possible. the late-night revelry of 10,000 partiers 45 floors below can be felt and heard on the roof, but a couple of stars are visible, the wind is cool, and the boy and girl are alone, relaxing and talking casually before the large quantities of various recreational substances they ingest kick in…
3. closeup on boy and girl as they slump into a vision together:
4. medium shot: the couple asleep on the rooftop. a wireframe hand with fairy wings (monty python joke) comes out of a tiny cloud and sprinkles the boy and girl with fairy dust (peter pan joke).
5. medium shot: groggy but not surprised, they wake as the hand (khalil gibran joke) points them toward the second star on the right (peter pan joke). “straight on till antarctica.”
6. closeup: boy and girl look at each other, appalled by the joke references.
7. medium shot: boy and girl discover they can fly…
8. medium shot: stumble once…
9. longshot: and flutter feebly into the sky..
10. longshot: monochrome image riffing off john and michael combined with ET over the moon.
11. medium shot: flying thru space approaching star.
12. longshot: star resolves into a ball with a fractal-looking outline on it, resembling a logo.
13. longshot: closer still, it becomes a white planet with colored stripes, the details obscured by clouds.
14. longshot: even closer, and they can see islands and a small continent. the colored stripes suggest the figure of a person.
15. medium shot: they land on a cloud.
16. longshot above the garden of eden/antarctica, the boy and girl looking in awe, a fiery angel (with a wireframe hand) descending to the cloud
17. medium shot: the angel gives them powers just like his, powers of an expanded will.
18. closeup: they don’t feel any different.
19: longshot: lounging in the garden of eden. the angel watches in dismay as multiple versions of the boy and girl spend all their time playing games with multiple universes they have created.
20. medium shot: the angel turns off their games and multiples,
21. tells them that they’ve got better things to do with their powers,
22. and promises they can have the key to the garden
23. if they can answer a simple question…
24. closeup on the angel. “what is the essence of the game?”…
25. medium shot: they look at him and say, “huh?” and offer a shallow response….
26. closeup: “to win,” says the boy… to learn practical strategies
27. closeup: “to learn,” says the girl… to practice being human, to share, to communicate
28. medium shot: the angel clarifies, “what is behind that curtain?” they look at each other this time. “what?”…
29. closeup: the angel tries to be more specific. “answer yes or no.” they are baffled. “huh?”
30. extreme closeup: the angel loses his temper …
31. medium shot: and kicks them out of the garden with his fiery sword.
32. medium shot: at the gates of the garden of eden. the boy looks back to see the angel quenching the fiery sword in a rock,
33. closeup: the girl notices a feather dropping from the angel’s wings
34. medium shot: they steal back to get them.
35. medium shot: they leave thru the gates together, out of a lush sunny garden…
36. longshot: into a barren wasteland full of gray rocks, under an angry sky.
this next section has a different style and looks different than the previous section.
37. longshot: neolithic: among barren rocks
38. medium shot: they are like babies and have to coax the environment to help them.
39. closeup: they interact with winds
40. medium shot: and water
41. closeup: and seeds
42. extreme closeup: and finally with great effort
43. medium shot: establish contact with animals
44. longshot: who help them and feed them
45. closeup: until they can grow weak bodies.
46. longshot: viking: in harsh mountain forests
47. longshot: and on cold deep seas
48. medium shot: they compensate for their childish weakness
49. closeup: with psychokinetic muscles,
50. medium shot: concentrating energy to build ships
51. long shot: and buildings
52. closeup: and make fires.
53. longshot: medieval: in pastoral villages
54. longshot: and small port towns
55. medium shot: they attain their full strength and opacity,
56. closeup: and develop the ability to manifest,
57. longshot: as other players appear
58. medium shot: to fill out the other roles.
59. medium shot: they find themselves entraining other players,
60. closeup: hampering their gameplay with interactions.
61. longshot: golden horde: over vast areas of uninhabited piedmont
62. longshot: and estuary
63. medium shot: they avoid the growing crowds for a time,
64. longshot: developing a sense of where all the players are.
65. extreme longshot: they become aware of everything in the game world.
66. closeup: their powers enhance their appearance and confidence, exaggerating their strength.
67. longshot: hinterland: in rich and productive lands
68. medium shot: being steadily encroached upon
69. extreme longshot: by the big city,
70. medium shot: they organize the adoring crowds
71. medium shot: and teach them how to harness their wills as best they can.
72. closeup: but the crowds are mesmerized by them
73. longshot: and can only be controlled imperfectly.
74. closeup: their appearance hardens and lumps up, shrinking slightly as they tire from the effort.
75. longshot: hell city: in dark, dirty and crowded city
76. closeup: of extremes
77. mediumshot: they and all the droids they command
78. longshot: are no match for the powers that be,
79. medium shot and they resist
80. medium s hot: as best they can,
81. closeup: within the system
82. closeup: and against it.
83. medium shot: they continue to spread techniques for self-mastery / quantum powers,
84. long shot: even tho tptb are winning.
85. closeup: their appearance ages and weakens
86. medium shot: as their powers are exhausted by fighting tptb
87. longshot: and watching their people suffer.
88. longshot: gamburtsevs: in an electronic mountain range
89. medium shot: they stand alone to fight the boss enemy.
90. closeup: their appearance is old and weak,
91. closeup: but they are at the peak of their powers.
92. medium shot: they are surprised by the identity of their enemy
93. closeup: they face themselves as they were in the garden of eden – young, spoiled, innocent, stupid.
94. closeup: then they are those younger selves, facing caricatures of their old selves in ridiculous ill-fitting fantasy getup.
95. medium shot: both versions ready to fight to the death.
96. closeup on both as they
97. closeup: decide this is a silly idea,
98. medium shot: and put the weapons down,
99. medium shot: and embrace.
100. closeup: the embrace makes them all explode,
101. medium shot: and they see that they are all one,
102. long shot: and there is no time or space,
103. extreme longshot: and they create the entire universe
104. extreme closeup: in their own minds.
105. medium shot: the angel appears to ask the meaning of what they’ve just been thru
106. long shot: and they answer with a koan-type answer that embraces the quantum universe.
107. extreme longshot: or not. fade to black.