author’s note: walking off the cliff

about a decade ago, when all sorts of life changing things happened to me, i learned the lesson about trusting the miracle.  miracles happen all the timesurrender and wait for the miracle.  phrases that make some people cringe.

and i’m pretty skeptical, for a recovering newager.  i’m allergic to organized systems of thinking and behavior.  i get hives when people get gullible.  but as i learned to adjust and adapt to my changing circumstances, as i gave up more and more of what i had thought defined me, i started getting my wishes.  i started to have opportunities fall into my lap.  one day, almost way late on the rent, i sold a painting for exactly the amount of the rent and went waltzing into the rental office waving the check they’d just given to me.  everybody in the office agreed that it was a miracle.

just last week i had a miracle that reminded me.  a few months ago a super-paranoid friend of my kid’s was over, and borrowed my kitchen knife so he wouldn’t get jumped on the way to his next hidey-hole.  and so i lost my knife.  and knew i’d never get it back.  my 30 year old carbon steel sabatier knife.  with a bent tip and all.  and i went around telling everybody i wanted my knife back.  and never stopped visualizing getting my knife back.  and was even offered the lend of a much better knife, which i declined.

and lo and behold right after that, while out on a dog walk, a young man of the neighborhood walked up and handed me my knife back.  it was a lot more obvious a miracle than i’m presenting here, with more sparkly bits than i’m telling, but i don’t want to be all dramatic about it.  the point was i had a clear (to me) lesson about trusting to the miracle and not letting negativity and fear kill the energy.

this is an important part of being quantum.  i think quantum things happening in the realworld qualify as miraculous, something supernatural.  i think a quantum world would qualify as a supernatural world.  magical realism at the very least, and there are miracles everywhere you look in magical realism.

i learned a bunch of lessons when i learned about miracles.  it’s all in your attitude, for example.  worry kills the miracle.  you actually have to act like the guy in the cartoon who walks off the cliff – just don’t look down, and keep going.  let a foolish faith in miracles sustain you, and the universe will do what you expect it to.  and that’s magic.  that’s what miracles are.

and this is important to my story.  because the forces of fear and the classical insistence on certainty are very strong, very demanding and intimidating.  and the quantum way has to win.  quantum reality is inevitable, because there isn’t just one right way but endless right ways, and no amount of force and coercion is going to put it back in the box for good.  it’s been tried, and eventually the forces of change and diversion win out every time.

so the point has to be made again and again that the answers don’t come from the rational places, they come out of left field.  from intuition and that place where we all communicate with god.

so what i did today was to write out how the girl learns this lesson in herself, and how she teaches it to others.  it actually helped quite a bit to illustrate her character, and i discovered some interactions between her and other characters (snake) that i hadn’t realize before.

and that’s what i told jim when we were walking the dogs.  here i am, month after month, breaking the story structure down into smaller and smaller chunks while the whole mass grows larger and more intricate.  and it all seems so tedious and useless while i’m in the middle of it.  and then there comes an insight like the one i had about miracles yesterday, and just like that there’s another huge chunk of the story’s essence dropping into place.  which qualifies as a miracle.  when you start qualifying, everything turns into a miracle.  and why is that bad?  because it leads to constant praise and hope and the feeling that someone out there loves you?  that’s not so bad.

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About jeanne

artist, grandma, alien

Posted on April 7, 2012, in author's note, characters, quantum thought. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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